Part of my growth this year is accepting my limits. With everything going on and the state of my computer, NaNoWriMo just isn’t feasible this year. I mean I could TRY to eek it out and maybe use my mom’s computer but instead I think I’ll just focus on MochaBean and try to get some other things accomplished.
I love to write. And I love working with kids. And in the back of my mind, there’s a vision. I’m working from home writing and getting my teaching degree. And then I’m still working from home because my kids are small and breastfeeding. Later I’m teaching and I know I’m making a difference however small it might be and I’m happy.
I feel like that dream is just out of reach sometimes. There’s an opportunity out there somewhere just waiting for me but I can’t seem to find it. And I can’t figure out how to get there or where to find a map or how to just make my own opportunity out of thin air. And it’s frustrating because I see other people living out parts of my dream. I feel stupid because I feel like I’m missing the tiniest of missing links and if I could just figure it out I have the drive and the ability to get it done. I just need one more snippet of information.
I just feel like I’m never gonna get there and now that I’m bringing a baby into the world it’s SO important to get to where I want to be and DO something.
So I may have neglected to mention that I’ve started to write again. I haven’t really written since the beginning of high school. I used to love to but then we moved and life sucked and my dad got sick and life sucked more and there’s always the monkey wrench to my equilibrium that is Mr. G…..anyway I’m writing again. Working on two stories although more are pushing at my brain. I’ve tried Nanowrimo a few different years to get the juices flowing but this feel different. I feel different. There’s no time constraint and so I want to write. It’s weird. Anyway I have a blog that I post updates and links to my stories when I upload them. Take a look I suppose.
So. We have PCS. We have a reenlistment that hasn’t happened yet. We have orders that can’t be cut because of funding. We have a custody battle with a lazy lawyer who we’re not entirely sure is on our side.
Oh yeah I’m in school too. 😀
In spite of all of that I’m undertaking two creative projects. Honestly I might not follow through with them but for right now they’re something that I want to pursue and tell you about.
First off, I’m going to try to get back into my writing. I’ve got all of these ideas running around in my head and plenty of free time since Mr. G is getting ready to deploy. Also I’m getting a new laptop that isn’t missing a L key so who knows what will happen.
Secondly, I’m going to write a business plan. People have been talking about businesses, Shark Tank is back on and once again I’m reminded of a business idea that’s always sort of in the back of my head. Namely whenever I need the services of this business. So…might as well write up the business plan. Maybe I’ll learn something, maybe it’ll just make me hungry. Who knows?
As usual NaNoWriMo falls during the worst time of the year. If Thanksgiving looming its ugly head isn’t bad enough I’m slated to begin school on the 1st of November. This year I will probably not finish. BUT, I’m still willing to attempt it. However I can’t figure out what I want to write about. A lot of things are really fascinating to me now but I worry if I write about that it’ll just be 10 different stories that I’ve ready all wrapped up into one. I want to do an original piece. Question is what about. I have a vivid imagination I can flesh out any topic. But first I’d need a topic.
So I have 42 posts and about 3 comments. Essentially I’m writing to myself. Why do I continue to do it then? I could just as easily write in a journal and keep it off the internet since I’m not sharing it with anybody. I do it because I think there’s so many different people out in the world that someone might be able to benefit from it. Somewhere out in the world someone might be better off for hearing from my ramblings. I mean even if reading my blog just makes someone glad they’re not me; they’ve gained appreciation for their life right? That has to count for something. And so I write.
I’ve written down my mood, how I feel about my diet, and what meds I took 3 days in a row. I feel good about creating a record to look back on and there’s a sense of empowerment behind creating a document to help me manage MY health.