This is a really well written blog about listening to your body’s cues and using them to be happy and productive. I struggle with my scheduling and time management and I’m constantly working on it. The tips and insight in here are well worth a look.
I suck at making and keeping friends. I’m moody, I communicate poorly, and I’m terminally late. That’s my life. It is what it is. I’m 22 and while I can change some things, (I’ve been really working on time management), some things are just what they are. I will always be moody unless I’m on pills and I have yet to find a pill that doesn’t make me a robot. So some of my personality defects that make me this awful horrible person that no one can seem to find it within themselves to like for any decent length of time or love completely will never go away. I will always be screwed up. That’s just what it is.
That being said it’s really bothering me more today than usual. Maybe it’s because things are stressful with Mr. G and I could really use some friends that just listen and say the right thing. Or do the right thing. I like to get out but I like to stay in too. I’m not a giant party animal and I’m poor to boot. I just…I want to be understood. And I want people who claim to want to make connections to actually follow through. I’m tired of fake people and just…I’m tired. Of everything.
Sometimes it’s hard to mesh the demands of working with the desires of homemaking. I know it’s so old-fashioned and it doesn’t seem like me at all but I really enjoy it. I like that I made the bread that we eat, and that most of our meals are from scratch. I love that I can impact my family’s day with small simple touches.
At the same time I like nice things. Really nice things. And I like having my own money. Its nice to have a sense of I have this to spend and I don’t like to struggle. I enjoy when things are easy.
Those two ideas don’t mesh well together. I have this idea for my life. Its this beautiful quilt that has all this intricate stitching….those are the people and interactions that I encounter. Then you have the fabric. Its rich and varied but it all flows together. Lately that’s not the case though. My edges are all puckered. I could cut back in places. That’s a totally valid solution to the internal conflict I feel. But at the end of the day I want it all. I want to make all of this craziness work.
I’m exhausted, I haven’t made my husband lunch in about 4 days, most of my clothes have holes in them but that doesn’t matter since most of them are dirty and I have no energy. But I have a job watching an adorable baby, we’ve made a debt in our debt so I’m working towards getting new clothes and my job is incredibly low stress. Things are on an upswing. Time management skills are definitely coming into play and getting improved.
I don’t think I’ll ever really resolve the struggle but I think I’ll be happy with the act of trying. Let me go work on this paper and get a loaf of bread started.
- Carry the custody battle to the end
- Learn to let things go
- Lose 80 pounds
- Try to be more active on a day to day
As usual NaNoWriMo falls during the worst time of the year. If Thanksgiving looming its ugly head isn’t bad enough I’m slated to begin school on the 1st of November. This year I will probably not finish. BUT, I’m still willing to attempt it. However I can’t figure out what I want to write about. A lot of things are really fascinating to me now but I worry if I write about that it’ll just be 10 different stories that I’ve ready all wrapped up into one. I want to do an original piece. Question is what about. I have a vivid imagination I can flesh out any topic. But first I’d need a topic.