Lately I’ve been thinking of the internet. Specifically forums and people on them and how time changes things. There are people I don’t talk to anymore that I swore would be with me the rest of my life. Then there are the people that I connect with now that I’m amazed I have anything in common with.
A few days ago, happyhippyrose blogged here about finding a liar in a forum environment and not having the reveal of her search end up the way she’d anticipated. (It was part of this interesting daily blogging challenge she’s doing. If I were capable of consistency I would do it.) I also talked for a little bit with Rain (www.wtfrain.com) about forums (and life in general but that’s not relevant to this post). And I saw a commonality that’s both interesting and sad.
Sometimes you outgrow something before you realize it and sometimes people change right under your nose. It’s…..it’s deeply unsettling to think that people you have exposed your fears, dreams, and secrets to don’t really know you. You’ve given them all this insight to you and they still don’t know you. And they don’t stop to ask the question they just judge and keep moving, plowing over your feelings, your spirits and your pride. Then you reach a point where you wonder why you do it/put up with it and you don’t have an answer and so you stop.
In the blink of an eye, you’ve grown and no matter how hard you look you can’t find the time or a trace of where it’s gotten off to. I’ve been on the internet socializing with people for years. At first making a connection was easy. There were forums and chat rooms everywhere. At some point things changed. People lied about cancer, talked shit about children who hadn’t done anything and called people’s jobs and landlords. The magic died. It’s kind of like when you find out how a favorite food item from a restaurant chain is made and you realize you’ve had the ability to make it for yourself all along. I’ve grown up a bit without noticing. It just… snuck up on me.