The 4th of July was this week. I saw a lot of shaming. Like a lot.
Don’t forget what it’s for. I’m glad my other military spouses know the real meaning of this holiday and how it isn’t about being drunk but paying respects and honor. Junk like that.
Here’s my viewpoint. I’m a housewife. I do not leave my family, I don’t see war and I’ll never have to kill someone so I can see my husband again. I’m not in a position to speak for them. Most of the people who speak for the military aren’t in a position to speak for them.
The military isn’t a glamorous job. Seriously. Crap pay, annoying people and you definitely get blamed for your boss’s actions. Maybe people think these conditions mean the military needs glory heaped on their shoulders. I dunno. I know my husband joined because he wanted to do the right thing and make a difference. I know some of my family have joined to get help with school. I know a blogger’s husband stated both on Memorial Day and the 4th that he’s fought so we can stay free and others can get free and dude enjoy the freedoms! One classmate spends every holiday such as this (the 4th, Memorial Day and Veterans Day) with his wife and baby when he can because he’s grateful to have a job that pays well enough to provide for his family and still have holidays off when he’s not deployed. Another classmate parties it up because he’s an officer in the Navy and loves what he does. He’s excited to be alive.
None of these guys seem like people who would want folks to forsake their bbqs and fireworks and gatherings. These guys served during a time of war. They’ve deployed and risked their lives. I think they can speak for themselves don’t you?
So we’ve been dealing with all of this stuff with M and getting custody of him. Mr. G’s command won’t give him leave unless he has a court hearing to attend so it’s been stressful but it’s been what it is. The past couple of times we went to see M/go to court, we were supposed to be driving Mr. G’s car but we can’t because the state of Minnesota keeps getting his orders and not realizing what they are. So they’ve chucked them. When you add up the express postage to and from MN TWICE we could have just paid full price for the damn tags already. Especially when you add up the rental fees from having to rent a car to get to M because my car can’t make the trip.
We’re also PCSing. Packout is June 20th. We’ve gotten some stuff to work on the yard but we still need to replace a door, handle the coat hanger in the drain sitch, and patch up some plaster from where the house has settled (it was buillt in the 1960s). That’s all prep that has to be done before we rent it out. There’s still cleaning and sorting that has to be done, including the scanning of all of our documents because we’ve lived together for 5 years and never had a real filing system. I mentioned my car earlier well I need to replace an O2 sensor in it and do something about the oil. We have to go get M June 6th and take him back July 10th. (We still need to contact the court about scheduling a hearing before Mr. G leaves to set up M’s care in the event that something happens with his grandfather.) There’s all of this money that has to come from somewhere. Even with our tax return (where we claimed neither of the children btw) and me getting school money we’re still in need of substantial funds to get all of this done. (Although we’ve gotten a LOT done. Stuff to get the yard under control, parts for Mr. G’s car, bills, loans paid on so on and so forth.) We just…between not planning as well as we could have and then this court thing dragging out way longer than we were told to expect it’s a hard row to hoe.
Oh and we’re still not pregnant. And I know I should NOT care about that right now but I do. A lot. And I feel like maybe I’m not ovulating because I’m fat or maybe there’s too much scar tissue due to the abortion and I missed my chance and I just suck. And it makes me sad. Like miserable. But that’s such a small issue that I feel like sharing it would make me a jerk.
I’m just drowning. And I’m by myself. No matter how much of a good friend I am or how much I help others people are always busy when I need help and that’s just life. I’ve got me and myself and that’s it. When shit hits the fan and it gets harder you’re the only person you can count on. So right now I’m drowning. And without heartfelt texts or emails from friends, without handouts or assistance I’m gonna swim to the shore, get out and shake off the water and then keep trucking. But right this second? I’m drowning.
I’m drowning. There’s SO much to do and I’m really on edge about it. Can this wait? Will I have any help with this? Here’s a quick rundown of everything:
- Get Mr. G’s car running and registered so he can drive it to check into his new duty station.
- Check on these random cracks in the ceiling
- Get someone to remove the coat hanger from the guest bath drain. (Long. Story.)
- Pick a pack out date keeping in mind PPO will only hold our stuff 90 days
- Sell my car
- Buy another car
- Find a job
- Work at my job here until the end of May
- Find a house
- Decide whether or not to sell or rent out our house here
Yeah it’s all….just a bit much.
Ok so there’s 50-11 things that I want to write about and share with you (whoever you might be). Health stuff, marriage stuff, military moving stuff….but today (and for the past few days) I’ve been cranky. And that is incredibly distracting. There aren’t enough hours in the day, I’m exhausted and I’m struggling to communicate effectively. So yeah. I’m cranky and anti-people right now. I’ve got a couple of posts brewing though and I’ll edit and post as soon as I get these monkeys off my back.
It seems for every major life event there’s a song that just moves me through it. It personifies everything I’m feeling and thinking and when I take my eyes off the prize it gently redirects me to where I want/need to be. Music has always been there for me. When I feel sad and just want to embrace it instead of denying it, it’s there. When I’m happy and want the world to know it’s there.
Like I said before, Mr. G got PTS approved. That’s means sea duty any time after May. If I knew where we were going I could maybe guesstimate at the deployment schedule but we don’t know. And we might not find out until right before. This PTS shit has the Navy fucked up. Anyways, Mr. G got approved and two days later I heard this song on the radio for the first time:
I think it’s fitting.
Mr. G FINALLY got ahold of the detailer. I have no idea what the guy was doing or why he didn’t set something up to let people know he was going to be unavailable. I don’t really want to know. Because if it’s some random bullshit I’m gonna get extremely annoyed and I already have a migraine. And besides being positive gets you further in life and the phone call was productive.
We’re NOT needs of the Navy right now and Mr. G gets to pick orders. Only once though. He got PTS approved in December (on the final look…talk about cutting it close) BUT the sticky wicket was that Dec was also his last month to look at orders. So he got approved on December 17th and yeah…the holidays and having to go out of town to spend Christmas with M…..life happened and the dude (detailer) just never picked up the phone. Honestly it’s always something. Last time we were up for orders we got orders to Hawaii and then all of that was put on hold due to it being the close of the fiscal year and when it all opened up again, the orders had been given away. I can’t help but think of how different our life would be.
I don’t know where we’ll end up. I know where we hope we’ll end up but honestly we could go anywhere. As long as the family court judge in Ohio sees fit to let M live with us permanently where he belongs after hearing about it I don’t really care. We’ll figure out the rest when we get to it.
Order pickin’ goes down tonight at 6pm or first thing tomorrow morning. Fingers crossed!
So we went to spend two days with M. Christmas Eve and the day before. It was nice. His grandfather is incredibly kind and most of his family is actually. A lot of lies have been told and at the end of the day I’m just sad about it because things didn’t have to be like this. If she’d just told the truth and used a little bit of common sense…things wouldn’t be so hard for M now. It breaks my heart for him. But things will get better if I keep believing in that.
I got to see my mom and dad!!! I…I love them so much. It really recharged my batteries to see them and know they’re doing well. Christmas is such a family time I would have been really bummed out if I hadn’t been able to see at least some of my family.
A new year is coming and it’s bringing a new addition to our household, new adventures and a new duty station. I’m stoked!