Always the last to know

I’m pregnant.

I haven’t written in a long time and I’m sorry for that. I have made several mental notes to start an entry but..well if you’ve been pregnant then you know how that goes. And if not I shall share. You literally lose your mind. I don’t mean in the metaphorical sense like your whole life is changing and so you’re distracted, I mean in the sense that the little parasite eats your brain so it can grow an arm or some shit. I can’t remember anything. At all. I’ve taken to using Evernote (lovely app btw) to record numerous notes of me telling myself to do things. And if I’m lucky, I remember to listen to them and put the notes that are actually things I need to do on my to do list in my Wunderlist app (yet another lovely app). And then, if the stars align I manage to remember to check Wunderlist and I actually do something off the list.

I didn’t sleep last night and I’m currently trudging through a depressive episode. Forgive the sarcasm. Or don’t. I’m pretty sure I’m writing to like…3 people. At any rate, this is the newest reason why I’m a sucky blogger and it’s also the reason this here blog is gonna change. I’ve been filled with this spirit of revolution. I’m going to birth a child. A life, A human who will someday go out into the world and impact other humans. Over all it’s got me feeling like I want to hide a little less. Granted, part of that might be due to the fact that I originally started this as a place to have the freedom to express how I felt about mental illness and my role as a stepmother, both of which I felt were grossly underrepresented in the blogosphere. I’ve found a really great group of stepmoms where I have anonymity AND feedback and it’s been nice. Another part of it is like I said. My baby. While I do want to protect their privacy, I’m also overjoyed and I want to share what happiness I can feel. Recently I decided to share baby updates with everyone on FB and not exclude a certain group of people. These women….when they dislike something they do it wholeheartedly. And they tend to paint everyone involved with the same brush. That hurt my heart for my baby because my baby hasn’t done anything to anyone. Then one day it hit me. SO many people love my child already that they’re surrounded in light and love. So much light and love that negativity from this group could never touch them. So who cares if they knew?

 

Feeling free like that is an amazing thing. Truly amazing.

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