What I’m Doing and Why I Haven’t Told Anyone

So Mr. G and I have talked, crunched numbers, talked, cried and deliberated on the subject of having a child together.

We are currently not trying, but not preventing either. I’m so excited about it! Mr. G and I are constantly discussing it and people here in the area know about it. I’m not ashamed of our choice nor do I feel that it was hastily made.

 

But I still haven’t blogged about, in spite of my desire to be really open and honest with my readers.

 

I’ve been with Mr. G in some capacity since 2007. I’ve known him since 2005, but once I realized we were getting more serious I reached out to the online military significant other community. I was able to join a variety of sites and forums since I was 18 and I dove in headfirst. I was young, impulsive, and struggling with my depression and my anxiety. I burned some bridges and pissed some people off. If I could go back I might do something differently but I might not because I feel like I learned something about being a better person and a better friend. Due to the burned  bridges I kind of ended up on the fringes of the community and I dabbled in and out.

 

Some of the things I’ve seen want me to keep anything regarding my future baby off the internet. People have questioned people’s pregnancies (when they hadn’t asked them for gifts of any kind), people have talked about children like DOGS because they thought their mother was horrible….just really mean spirited shit surrounding babies and incredibly small children. Children who haven’t done anything to anyone but be born and live. I know everyone doesn’t think every baby is cute…and that’s true. But there’s a difference between mentioning a baby might not be aesthetically pleasing and talking shit about them like they’re grown adults who stole your man in the club. I don’t want my baby tainted by that negative energy. I don’t my pregnancy tainted by that negative energy.

 

I could just post the photos on Facebook and very carefully select who has access to them. I could just text and email the pictures to a select few. But I’ve seen when there’s a whisper of intrigue in the air. It’s like someone opened a drum of chum and poured it into the middle of a school of sharks. It’s a witch hunt. Everyone is madly chattering back and forth “Who has so and so on facebook”, “I’ve got a cell phone number lemme see if it works”, “Do you follow them on Twitter? They’re always there let’s go check!!!”. It’s…it’s a little insane. I’m sitting here like I’m completely innocent. I used to get into it here and there. But it struck a chord with me when it started pulling in children who had never logged on and said a cross word to anyone. What can I say, I’ve got a soft spot for kids.

 

I might change my mind later you never really know. I’m constantly changing, growing and learning. Right now we’re not trying, not preventing (NTNP) and I’m not putting it on Twitter, Facebook or anywhere that’s easily traceable to me on the internet. (Maybe this doesn’t qualify but I feel safe here for now.)

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