Do I Want To Be Married?

So the end of Mr. G and I’s 6 month separation is fast approaching. And…we’re difficult people. So sometimes I just need to vent or complain. And sometimes… Look I’m 22. I don’t know everything. I know nothing. I know less than nothing. And like…I’d love suggestions. Things that are helpful or conducive to me having a productive marriage. A happy marriage. Hell a marriage that actually is. And….I don’t get that. I know part of it is my fault because of the way I represent him to other people and I know in the future that’s something that I really want to work on. But how am I representing myself and my goal if no one ever comes back with the helpful advice I so desperately seek? Or hell even some encouraging words.

Not to mention…I don’t discuss the details with just anybody. How can my nearest and dearest not call me on my bullshit? I haven’t heard “You were wrong for that” or “That would make me mad too” from anybody. All I’ve heard is what he’s done wrong. And it makes me wonder..is it being said and I’m just not listening? Or maybe another message entirely is being given and I’m just not hearing it. (Actually that’s not entirely true…some have come straight out and said you should leave and I’ve chosen to ignore that. But who knows? Maybe I can’t see the forest for the trees on that one.)

Am I giving off “I want to stay married” vibes? If I am and my close circle isn’t getting them…is Mr. G missing them too? And how the fuck do I fix this?

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