So my life is in a pretty sucky set up this birthday. Jobless, not in my own home and only about 90% sure I want to get back with my husband (the mid point of the 6 month separation is quickly approaching…where is the time going?!?!?!??!). I can’t go to the restaurant I’d planned to go to for my birthday and I don’t exactly have the loose cash to go get some champagne to go with my breakfast in the am. (Nor would I have a car now that I think about it my friend’s husband has to go to work because that’s what most employed people do on Wednesdays.) I had plans for this birthday. Goals, aspirations if you will and I’ve had to let those go. And I like shit to be the way I want it to be.
But it is okay. I’m practicing letting go which is something I’ve always needed work on, even before marriage. And working on learning to let go is something that will last me far longer than any brunch or champagne in bed. Something I’ve learned so far is that it’s ok to show weakness. It’s part of being human. I’m sad about things not being the way I wanted them to be and that’s ok. I can be sad about that and still enjoy what I’m doing. I can be sad about that and still be angry about it as well. I can feel multiple things at one time and it’s just what is.
So today I reflect on the past year and I’m not pleased. But I know what I can do to prevent the same things from happening so that I can have a happier 22nd year than I did a 21st. And I’ll be angry about some of the shit but I won’t hold on to it all day long. Last but definitely not least, there were good times too and I can have fun remembering those.
Cheers motherfuckers. 🙂