And that’s not me. Me? I have everything to lose. Because he is everything. The sun, the moon, the stars. The glorious, glittering, magical stars. I just…who gives a fuck what other people think? Hell who gives a fuck what he thinks? As long as I know I tried and that I made the best possible choice with the information I had at the time then it’ll be ok at the end even if it doesn’t seem that way.
If he needs the whole six months then I’ll give him that, but honestly I just need a solid three. Anger management here in WA and then some serious work on learning to forgive and stress management in CA. I’m excited about what I’m going to learn. I don’t think my personality is going to change overnight. Maybe not at all. I want to be me in a smoother way if that makes sense.
It took almost losing my husband to realize how important to me he was. If I could go back, I’d marry him when I was older and had learned a few more things. Not that I’m saying I’ve managed to learn all sorts of everything in less than a week. What I am saying is that I wish this lesson wasn’t so painful to learn because this feels like I’ve lost a limb.